The good old days.

Ok.  I brought Indiana Jones into my daughter’s life the other week.  It all seemed like a good idea until it became more than an idea.  I think there were about 60 murders.  Or deaths-at-the hands-of-others.  Whatever you want to call it.  Tomato Potato.

At one point Karen Allen grabs a machine gun and mows down a small class of soldiers.  Boom boom.  Dead.  All gone.  They didn’t even look angry or menacing.  They could have been grown up kindergartners…but all in green.

And that’s how it seemed to my two daughters.

And yes, it would have been better if the consequence had merited it.  Death is ok if the framework justifies the bloody canvas.  It’s true.  I read it every day.  But at this point in the movie these guys are dying for the sake of a Chicago-an archeologist’s flirty kicks.

You can blabber on all you want about the good old days but those ye olde classics have a few things to learn from the new Disney model.

1. Violence is ok if it seems like you’ll be able to stand up in a scene or two. (Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief)

2. Don’t actually kill anybody unless they’re super super evil and only if you can make them simply disappear or turn into smoke. (The Little Mermaid)

3. Don’t say “damn” in a cartoon. (Artisocats)

4. Don’t call your little brother a douche and blame him for ruining your family life. (E.T.)

5. Don’t rape someone’s mother in the front seat. (Back to the Future)

6. Women are useful for more than doing laundry and being sweet about it (Cinderella).  And maybe someday they won’t be a blubbering fat blob’s bikini clad and chained up and tongued sex slave. (Return of the Jedi)

So how about a little What Were They Thinking in the face of all that Ye Olde crap, yeah?


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